Beginning

I don't really know what I want to write here.

But I have a lot on my plate at the moment and I think that it might be better for me to write everything down, even for just a few minutes every morning, so that I don't have to carry certain stones around my neck all day.

I've been thinking very much about the nature of friendship, of late. Faced with the death of my mother I have become weirdly selfish about who I want to discuss things with, who I want to share with, who I even want knowing what's going on. And what maddens me is how people can be so invasive with their care - it's lousy to say so, but I find myself wishing that they'd leave me alone rather than being so pushy in their demonstrations of their help. I want to scream that it's not about THEM. But then I feel bad and think that really they're only trying to help - and how much worse off I'd be if I were going through this alone and didn't have people who cared so much about me.

I guess I'm becoming a grief hot-head. 

My light is burning very low and I'm very, very tired.